I am a survivor of abuse – I say survivor as I no longer use the term victim. However a victim I was from as far back as I can remember. I suffered physical, emotional and sexual abuse from childhood. As a result I became an adult who was filled with disgust, guilt, shame and hatred until my late twenties. I thought I was damaged just being that way, and this led me to drugs, prostitution, crime, violence and anger.
I happily sauntered into the arms of paedophiles mistaking grooming for what I had always been shown to be love. Every adult in my life that I came into contact with let me down: teachers, Social Workers, parents, police, doctors, Counsellor, adult and child psychiatrist, the list goes on.
I have been in numerous police cells, prison, cars, mental health in-patient wards, rehab clinics and detoxes- nothing seemed to help.
When I came across Transformation, I was broken. It was 4am and I had allowed myself to be violated yet again for drug money and punishment. I was allowed in, despite my appearance and homelessness. I was made to feel comfortable and safe, I had a warm shower, fresh pyjamas provided and a hot drink, and a listening ear and a safe bed. For the first time I woke up feeling I wasn’t alone, I stayed for the next couple of weeks, touching no drugs beside a substitute for my withdrawals and left for detox.
All it took was for someone to say as simple as “it wasn’t your fault, you are not to blame”, instead of what I had been told all my life that I was hopeless, dirty and beyond help. Gee at Transformation told that me that my behaviour and lifestyle to that point was understandable and not repulsive. I began to be open to the idea that my problems all had roots in my abusive upbringing and life since I was a child.
I haven’t looked back since and will be eternally grateful. It has not been plain sailing since then, but compared to how I lived before and how alone and hostile I felt and was, I am a million miles from that place today. I have now graduated from university with a bachelor degree, I have my daughter in my life, passed my driving test and have a car. I work part time and do voluntary work, and am undergoing intensive trauma therapy to right the wrong I suffered in my past.
I am happy to have achieved what I have and have put a lot of hard work in, but would not be where I am had not the care been there and the seed not planted.